Will my thoughts and words be lost for all eternity? Doomed until the end of time to remain unseen and unheard?
What is the meaning of depravity?
I've been depraved in more ways than I can count but none of them feel quite the same. There's something more to the word we leave behind when we discuss the idea intellectually.
"We must rid our society of degenerates, of depraved individuals, liars, cheats, and addicts."
Who says these words? Police? Lawgivers? /pol/?
"Perhaps you'll never lose the habit of judgment"
What is the purpose I'm meant to serve? Is it simply to watch things fade away in front of me while I remain locked in indecision and self-doubt?
What is the overcoming of those thoughts supposed to look like? Do you simply tell yourself how great you are every day until it sticks? I try to improve myself every day in some way even if it's only a little, but does that ever amount to anything? Do you ever stop doubting yourself?
Does all this come off as whiny or as pitiful? Do you pity me? I don't think I want you to.
I want to think and feel in ways I cannot seem to grasp.
If life were simple and easy it wouldn't be very fun, when all I had to do all day was watch YouTube and do drugs I was the most miserable I've ever been.
People need meaning, we need a purpose to drive us. I went to college for computer science because I was told that's where the jobs are and luckily I like my job and my field, but imagine how many there are who don't and who will now have to pivot careers if they ever want to find personal meaning in their work.
I want a purpose. I want things to be well-defined. I know that won't ever be the case, but it's what I want.
The 5G radiation has bombarded my brain to oblivion, I don't know right from left or up from down.
I do know what an AMF is for though, so we make some tradeoffs.
I think certain knowledge has to come with a cost, perhaps not one I'm willing to pay.
But the questions!
They wait in the darkness to be asked and nobody will ever ask them.
Like my words.